atonement
by originalgaijin
Summary: evil ziva!. a differnt take on what it would take to bring Ziva back to NCIS. NO botched mission very angsty its not finished


A/N this is unfinished i hit a dead end with this story so any help with it would be appreciated. This is very angsty! oh and EVIL ZIVA! you'll see

Early fall 2009

Ziva strode into her Tel'Aviv apartment and promptly crashed down into her couch exhausted from another long day. She was looking up to the ceiling fan spinning silently above and let out a low slow sigh of exhaustion. In the four months she'd been home since the incident in D.C. she had done nothing but take on every mission her father gave her with no rest in between. She looked forward to some time to catch her breath and her thoughts. She had to earn back the respect of other Mossad agents the hard way. She had to show them that her time in America hadn't made her soft. Each mission she took on was more difficult then the last, the cold emotionless assassin had taken back control of Ziva's mind and personality. Her apartment was a testament to her busy schedule. There was nothing there but a few boxes and just the essentials it was more like a hotel then the her old apartment in D.C. Those days were becoming harder for to remember as time went bye.

Her old American cell began to vibrate across her coffee snapping her back to reality. The screen read GIBBS and she froze for a moment since no one had tried to get in contact with her from her old team since she'd left. A small part of her was over come with joy that finally someone had tried to get in contact with her, but her mind quickly silenced that without a second thought. She hesitated for a moment as what to do next.

"Officer David" came calmly and professionally from her to her old boss's ears.

"Get your ass back her now David" he barked at her

"I'm not" she tried to say with a rather angry tone but was cut off by

"McGee is dying Ziva please," Gibbs sounded defeated and broken his voice was almost a whisper.

"It's almost midnight here I'll be on the first flight in the morning I can get. That's the best I can do?" Her voice was calm and professional again to fight back her emotions.

"Thank you Ziva do you need to be picked up when you land?" His voice was showing signs of breaking. She even for a thought she heard him start to cry.

"No I'll be fine thank you Jethro" She put a little bit of sweetness into her voice for his sake.

"He's at Bethesda Naval hospital one of us will be here"

"I'll see you soon Jethro good night"

"Shalom Ziva"

"Shalom Jethro"

She sank back into her couch confused and now worried about McGee and what she had just done. There was no turning back now and she knew it. She simply rose and began to pack before bed. Her mind told her this was just another mission. A few days and this would all be over. Her heart screamed between her ears for her to wake up and let out all she tucked away from the world. She walked into her room and past out from mental and physical exhaustion.

Monday

Gibbs stood in his best stoic stance and glared while looking over his junior agent. It was close to they end of visiting hours for the day. McGee was resting comfortably in his room in the ICU ward at Bethesda Naval Hospital. He'd already been there 48 hours before Gibbs had called Ziva. A small tan hand gave him a fresh of coffee before standing next to him.

"How is he" Ziva asked cautiously studying Gibbs.

"Took a lot of internal damage. His vest gave us the chance to be having this conversation, but he's not out of the woods yet. They're out of surgeries until he gets stronger. Now we just wait and see." Gibbs stood there never taking his eyes off of McGee. "I'm glad you're here Ziva and I know he is too" He finally turned a little to make eye contact. He looked like a wreck; the stress he was under had aged him badly. He wasn't sleeping that was obvious. He was probably living off coffee she thought as she felt her old life coming back to the surface, but she still fought hard to keep most of it down.

"Where's Abby?" She had been surprised that she wasn't there to be with the man she loved.

"Her lab or with Tony, she through herself hard into her work to try to not think about McGee like this. She's been staying with Tony he's been looking after her since we brought him here." Gibbs just stood there hiding as much of the pain as he could behind that stoic Gibbs persona. Ziva saw massive cracks forming in it now and wondered how long he could hold it together.

"What happened to him?" Gibbs sighed as he prepared to retell the tragic tail

"We were chasing a serial killer who was killing Arab American Marines and sailors in the area. We followed him out to his family farm. Turns out his entire life was a fabricated lie, he was part of a white supremist group. We thought he was alone, we drove into an ambush and during the course of the fire fight McGee got shot in the back." Gibbs started to show signs of a break down for a split second before he pulled himself together.

"Who was watching his back?" Her hand had come to rest on his arm to comfort him. Gibbs didn't refuse nor show any signs it was helping.

"He just panicked behind the car. Leaving McGee alone to deal with three gunmen alone. Tony and I were pinned in the house. It shouldn't have happened like that. That agent has since turned in his shield and gone back to whatever hole he crawled out of." Anger dripped from Gibbs as he sipped his coffee. "How long can you stay for?"

She was startled by this abrupt change in topics but she welcomed the change.

"Three days at least five at most I have to be back by next Sunday my fathers orders"

Gibbs glared down at her at the mention of Eli David

"It's my mothers birthday and he asked if I'd be home to help him morn." She turned away to hide from Gibbs eyes.

In the late hours of Friday night Abby sat perched on the edge of Tony's couch with her knees in her chest quietly sobbing to herself. The only light came from the TV on in front of her playing a movie that nobody was watching. Tony was resting in the kitchen readying him self for the next round of Abby crying. Her crying and emotion was killing Tony slowly inside, it was amplifying everything he was feeling. The knock at the door came as a surprise that only Tony noticed. Abby continued to rock in the dark without as much as a hint she heard anything. As he opened the door Tony ran through his day trying to remember if anyone had said anything about a visit? Behind his door stood Ziva with pizza and beer she wondered if she was crazy for doing this but part of her screamed in her ears that she needed she had to see Abby for herself. She was greeted by a blank stare and a simple wave of the hand to enter his apartment. It was a mess with take out food boxes laying everywhere and there was no light but the TV and the light over the kitchen sink. It perfectly matched the mood of the occupancy. Tony slowly took the pizza and beer and sat down at this kitchen table brushing old mail and other junk aside in order to sit and eat in silence. Ziva joined Abby and the couch she was afraid to say anything. Abby pounced on her almost crushing Ziva in a desperate hug. Abby began to sob heavily. Tony rose to take his usual position at her side but was waved off by Ziva. He turned back and headed for the bedroom. He collapsed quietly into his bed from exhaustion. It was the first night in many that he wasn't holding Abby and trying to consol her. After a few hours Abby feel asleep in Ziva's arms only to have Ziva lay her out across the couch with Burt clutched in her arms. She stood for a moment and examined her gothic friend with a critical Mossad eyes. "This is why you have to remain emotionally detached Ziva how else can you do your job at all if you fall apart like these people do?" Her father's words rattled about her head for a moment. Abby's groans brought her back to reality. Abby was calling out for McGee, for him to be ok. Ziva felt Abby's words hit her in the gut harder then any punch she could of ever taken, the feeling of nausea came quickly to the back of her throat only her strong will kept it down. She scanned the dark room for signs of Tony. She returned to the kitchen to find a few slices of Pizza gone and one beer opened on the table half gone. Her eyes turned toward the dark hallway next to her. She felt more nausea coming but again fought it down. Her heavy feet protested but her heart had control now. The battle that had been raging between her old life and her Mossad alter ego had been won temporally by old life. She cracked the door to see Tony curled up in a ball much like Abby had been. Her resolve began to wane seeing him so venerable like that. McGee's near death experience had brought them all to they edge of breaking. But what was she to do about it? She walked up to Tony's bed the side he was curled up on. Her hands reached out for him coming so close that it pained her she stopped suddenly. She looked down Tony's hands were bloody they killed Michael. Her hearts hardened and for a moment she considered killing this man that laid there before her. She blinked once and turned for the door. She didn't stop as she walked out past Abby and then out into the street. Tony lay in bed for the second time in four months Anthony DiNozzo had suffered a broken heart.

Tuesday

Ziva stood there watching him through the window from the hall. McGee was hooked up to every machine in the hospital it seemed. She was so focused on her old friend that she didn't hear Tony slip up next o her.

"He's become a hell of an agent in these last four months. I'm proud of my Senior Agent" his voice came racked with a little bit of guilt

She looked up at Tony who showed almost as many signs of aging as Gibbs.

"How's Abby doing?"

"Copping as well as to be expected. Gibbs relieved me for a little while I had to process my new agents with HR."

"What new agents?"

"The rest of my team well what's left of it now" he looked defeated and broken almost a shell of his former self.

"Your team?" she couldn't hide the puzzled look on her face

"Gibbs didn't tell he's retiring. The team is mine effective the first of next year. He's only working part time now. Hell he even let McGee and Abby start over no rule 12"

"What how did that happen?"

"After you left it hit Abby hard, I guess my mopping around didn't help but one night McGee comes to my place drunk and confessed he's hopelessly in love with Abby. What he didn't know was Abby had just gone to the bathroom to puke and heard everything. I went for a run to let them talk. I came home to the sight of the two of them on my couch well you get the point. Next day McGee worked up the courage to tell Gibbs and Gibbs shrugged him off and told him if he broke her heart he'd kill him and that was that." A slight smile rose across his lips as happy memories of those two being together ran through his minds. "McGee bought her ring but Abby doesn't know yet so don't tell please"

She couldn't get past the thought of McGee and Abby marrying?

"She picked out a dress you know years ago when she first meet him. She was going to ask you to be maid of honor Ziva" She stood there in shock again.

"I always kind of figured that would be the next time that I would get to see you" defeat and depression dripped from him as he eyes remained locked on his shoes. He had no strength to face her with.

"Tony I"

"Don't I wont let you lie to me like you did Gibbs" He turned to finally face her. His depression and defeat replaced with raw rage almost hatred for her now

"What are you talking about?" her heart stopped when she got a look at him.

"Your mothers birthday is in the spring. You used your mother as an exit strategy. Why did you come Ziva? We need you and you already planned how to escape from us again." He shouted at her as she winched back from him.

"I came to be her for McGee"

"Lies"

"It's not I swear Tony"

"Lies just another lie. How many more?"

"What"

"Paula, Kate, Jenny and you there all gone. They all end up leaving. Maybe it's all of Gibbs bad karma biting us in they ass but this has to stop.

She stood at the top of the steps leading to Gibbs basement. About were she shot Ari all those years ago. Were they all began this journey. "You gonna just stand there or come down here and have a drink with your old boss? It's Good to see your taking care of yourself"

"I still have a debt to collect Jethro"

"How's work?"

"Work and you?"

Gibbs takes a deep swig of his trustee Bourbon

"Work'

"Why did you retire? The real reason Jethro"

"Got tired of it all, the politics, the lies the deceit. It was time anyway."

"Back to Mexico then?"

"No I made a mistake leaving and I regret that. My place is here in D.C. DiNozzo's a good agent but he still has a few more nights in this basement yet ahead of him, whether he likes it or not. Are you gonna ask or Do I have to push the issue?"

"What do you mean?"

"Tel'Aviv four months ago come on David your brighter then that"

"I wasn't going to bring it up Jethro"

"I just wanna know what part of it was real?"

"What?"

"I know about your assignment your intention of gaining my trust. I know why you were originally sent. Was any of it real? Or was it all just lies, games and deceit"

"Goodnight agent Gibbs"

"NO goddamn it you will talk. You owe me that you owe Tony that. Answer Me," He growled at her

"Then answer me why did you choose Tony over me that day. All you had was grab my arm and I would of comeback. Why didn't you?" She could barely hold back her tears. Gibbs was the closet thing she had to a real father.

"I didn't trust you. I wasn't going to let you destroy Tony. I thought you loved him? He loved you. He would of thrown it all away for you. I wasn't prepared to give up on someone I trusted for someone I didn't"

"I did my duty" she spit back at him. Not hiding the contempt she had for him.

"Don't give me that crap David"

"Is that why you gave up Rule 12? You didn't want McGee and Abby to end up like me and Tony?"

"I gave up trying to punish everyone around me because of her."  
"Jenny"

He looked away before he took a long drag of bourbon

"Why did no one try to get in contact with me?"

"They all wanted to. I stopped them. I couldn't stand the sight of them being distort over you."

"And you?"

"Hmm you know were I stood on that runway"

"I do"

"Why didn't you contact any of us. Tony is still waiting. Hoping"

"Then he may wait forever then"

"And for you he would. That's what kills me every time I look at him. He doesn't deserve it."

"He killed Michael"

"You're going to stand by that"

"He killed him but"

"But?"

"Michael killed my faith and Tony tried to give my freedom. All I'm left with is questions"

Wednesday

yeah im stuck from here on HELP!


End file.
